Moments that aren't supposed to
by Merylz
Summary: Alternate version of "the Eye". Something goes horribly wrong and Elizabeth has to pay for it. JE.
1. Default Chapter

_Title: Moments that aren't supposed to._

_Author: Enorm_

_Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything_

_Pairing: Elizabeht/John_

_A/N: Hi! This is my first atlantis fic. I have made an altenate version of The Eye. I have not seen this episode yet, so this story can be very different. I only used the part that Kolya uses Elizabeth as a hostage. I don't know where Carson is in The Eye, but in my story he is just in his place._

_Sorry for grammar mistakes, English isn't my native tongue. _

_

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__God. Stand STILL!_

He was getting really frustrated now. Just when he wanted to pull the trigger, Kolya swirled her elsewhere making it impossible for him to fire. She looked terrified, she knew what he had to do. But still she was terrified.

_You've got to hurry now… They are almost at the gate! _

_Think !_

_Think! _

_Shit!_

Kolya almost approached the gate. He had to fire._ NOW!  
_John pulled the trigger and the bullet made his way ans went through Kolya.. but no, he had also hit Elizabeth. Kolya was the first who sunked to the ground. The bullet went straight to his heart and was dead immediately. But Elizabeth on the other hand, was hit somewhere else in her body. She just stood there, mouth open, staring at John. Then, she stared down, her mouth still open, to the wound as her hands covered it. She felt immense pain going through her body and she fell on top of the already dead Kolya.

_NOOOOOOOOOOOO this CANNOT be happening!_

John panicked and rushed to Elizabeth. He frantically tried to press her wounds, but failed and her blood escaped her body rapidly. He cried out for Carson.

Elizabeth whimpered in pain as John pressed at her wound. She let out a cry and her tears started to fall down and mingled with her blood. She saw John in a blur, he was trying to say something. But the pain was just too much to hear him. She let out another cry, her arms trying to get a hold on something, or rather some_one. _John hugged her and whispered something in her ear

"Elizabeth! Please, say something"

She tried to answer. She saw tears glistering in John's eyes

"John, it's …." _Pain.. pain everywere_ ".. okay, you did what you had to do"

"No Liz, don't you dare. You can't leave me alone. LIZ!"

"John, you must know that … I love you….

I always did"

" I know Liz, I know. And you know what's funny? I love you to, from the very first beginning that I saw you"

Elizabeth tried to smile, with succes. The pain was slowly fading away and she knew that was a bad sign, she was dying. She didn't have the strength to panic anymore. But accepting death? _No, that was just not possible._

"John, I don't … want to die"

"Ohh, but you're not going to. I won't let you."

Elizabeth smiled again, she truly regretted things didn't got a chance to work out. Without a warning, John slid his hands behind her neck and kissed her tender. But before Elizabeth could kiss back, she lost her consiousness. John felt her going limp and got angry. He sobbed and screamed

"WERE THE HELL IS CARSON!"

Rodney stood behind him and tried to calm him. He saw an incredibly desperate and unhappy John in front of him. He knew he was font of Elizabeth, but wouldn't have guessed he actually loved her. John screamed in frustration and punched Rodney. Realising what he just did, he started crying even harder. Rodney just hugged him, not exactly knowing what to do.

Suddenly Carson and his team arrived and yelled everyone to back off. He checked if Elizabeth was still alive and then rushed off to the infirmary trying to save her live.

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Alright, this is the beginning, I hope you liked it. Should I continue ? Flame if you want. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything.

A/N. Hey, here is chapter 2!

I'm sorry for the late update, but I'm having difficulties with my grammar. I'll write one more chapter after this. Hope you'll like it!

There's some swearing in this chapter, so be warned.

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She wished she could forget that time these days. It hunted her. Every night she woke with that awful nightmare… John had shot her. Even now, she wished she could forget it. It has been 5 years now, she was with John now. They'd became close after the incident. At first, she couldn't be near him, she was so afraid of him. She had forgotten what she said before she went unconsious. In fact, she didn't know anything anymore, accept that specific bullet that came from John's gun and had hit her. It was not meant for her and it did kill Kolya, she knew that, but she wasn't able to trust him anymore. He kept on trying, he was at her bedside the whole time she was in coma and when she got out, he stayed with her. Even when she backed away from him afraid and shouted not to come any nearer.

He never gave up.

His guilt was unbearable. She realized that from the very first moment they were able to talk to eachother again. She regretted she still was afraid of him sometimes. She really did, but she couldn't help it. Every night she would have that same nightmare again.

John on the other hand was almost suicidal in that period, he was the unhappiest man in the world. He changed from a cocky flyboy into a small boy and everyone in Atlantis saw it happen.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Flashback.

"_When can I see her!"_

"_John, I have to tell you something. Elizabeth is in a coma and I hope she will get out as soon as possible. But I cannot tell you. She is in a critical state. I'm sorry John."_

"_I want to see her… NOW"_

"_you have to calm down! It won't help her if you panic like that. You will be the first one to see her alright? Try to get some sleep and I'll contact you if something happens"_

_John knew that arguing with Carson was an impossible thing to do. He knodded disappointed and walked to his room. Sleep? No, no, never! Anger boiled up once again and he didn't took the time to change in his sportswear. He ran of and headed for the Main land. He ran as fast as he could to.. where? He didn't care. Away, away from everything. As he was running, he felt nothing. Sweat was dripping of his face and he felt his sweat trickling on his back. After some time he collasped next to a tree gasping heavily for air. He broke up in tears and hugged himself. He felt so incredibly alone and guilty. He had almost killed Liz! The love of his life HE had shot. He could never fogive himself and he knew he would go crazy if she died._

" _Damn this Fcking Atlantis! I wished I'd NEVER joined that FCKING expedition"_

_He shouted words into nowhere. Nobody could here him here. He kept on cursing for a while, then he went silent. He stared into the clouds above. He didn't mean what he just said. After all, atlantis was his new life and he had a new family now. _

_Elizabeth is the woman of his dreams. He daydreamed they kissed and were laughing to eachother, dreamt that they shared one bed and made love so passionate he never felt before, dreamt that Liz was pregnant, dreamt they had a girl so pretty that he was blinded with love._

_But it was all a dream and it was never going to happen, because he had almost killed her. She would never trust him again, NEVER. And that was his own stupid fault, if only he shot on the right time. _

_John fell asleep next to the tree and had not supringly a nightmare. A nightmare about him shooting liz over and over again. Her face, her disbelief was all written over her face. She just stared at him and when she pointed out to him, she said on a deadly, but very sad tone "You shot me!". Then she dropped dead to the floor, still staring at him._

_When he woke startled he noticed it was already dark. He stood up and made his way home. _

_His way home to atlantis._

_When he walked to get some food, he almost bumped into Rodney. Rodney greeted him friendly, but John just knodded. _

"_If you want to talk, I'm here you know"_

" _I can't! Not now Rodney, I'm sorry"_

_With that, he quickly left and hurried to his quarters. _

_Later._

_He would never forget the first time she woke. Elizabeth was in a coma for almost 3 weeks now, but Carson told him she was doing slightly better and that she got a good chance to survive. He was very happy to hear this, but he also knew that this were going to be difficult times. Very difficult times._

_He had laid his head on her bed, almost asleep. When he suddenly heard a muffled sound he shot his head up and saw her looking at him. He didn't miss the fear and disgust in her eyes. She tried to move, but was unable. He saw her beginning to panic and tried to calm her down, but he only made it worse. He laid his hands on her shoulders, but she backed away. Her breathing became irratic and she made a silent afraid sound. When her hands covered her face she suddenly fainted. What he just had witnessed was unbearable. She was completely and utterly afraid of him._

_Carson had al seen it. He had seen pure fear in Elizabeth's eyes and he was shocked. The fearless leader, afraid for Sheppard? He couldn't blame her for it, she was in shock, but it was so unrealistic. She wasn't afraid for anything or anyone. _

_He had one thing to do and John would hate him for that. He had to forbid John visits to Elizabeth until she was good enough to handle situations like this. And so he did._

_Xxxxxxxxxxx_

_It took Liz another 4 weeks before Carson let John near her. John had become silent and he had lost weight. He was white and had laughed since the incident. He was desperate to talk to her, to tell her he was so sorry. When Carson gave him a go, he walked silent to the door. He stopped in front of the door, not sure what to do. He had been desperate to see her, but now he was afraid. Afraid for her reaction, afraid she panicked again. He sighed and grabbed the handle. He closed his eyes for a second. Then he walked slowly to her. She was fully awake and looked at him. She did not panick or anything, but just looked at him. He was relieved to see that she was relaxed. He also noticed she got her colour back in her face and gained some weight. He was not sure what to say._

"_Hi"_

"_Hi"_

" _uhm I ehh was wondering .. how are you ?"_

"_Much better, thanks"_

_Her tone wasn't cold, it was rather normal. He saw she was nervous as well._

_It was Elizabeth who continued._

"_Look John, I wanted to say something to you. It's not your fault you know. You had to shot Kolya. You did that because he would have taken me otherwise. I know you would never shoot me on purpose. But I.. I-I"_

_He couldn't hold up his tears anymore and he collasped in her arms. They both cried. Elizabeth sobbed and tried to say she'd forgive him, but found herself unable. After some time they pulled apart and looked eachother in the eyes. John brushed her hair and wiped her tears away. Her hands were on Johns chest. It was time for him to go know and come back later, but before he did that he genlty kissed her and with that he told her everything was going to be okay._

_But Elizabeth wasn't so sure of that.  
_

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End flashback._

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_  
That's it for now. Tell me what you think! If you don't like it, tell me why! _


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